what if you were here... [entries|friends|calendar] Elyse [ website | My Space ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

thats life. [31 Jul 2006|11:30pm] [ mood | sad/mad. ] [ music | Cartel ] so when was the last time I wrote in this thing? never? yeah thats what I thought. the last thing I wrote about was wanting to go to prom, that seems so trivial now. I did endup going to prom. senior prom& it was a good time. but thats so far from my mind at the moment. I always have these deep thinking moments on the way to& from new jersey. the state that I love, I dont know what it is about it,everyone laughts & claim its the armpit of america,& although some parts are not very nice, the good parts I love. I want a range rover someday. so my anticipation for this vacation was high. I was excited, I love nj, & its always a great time. this was for my grandpas 90th, how could it not be a good time with my family there& all. well I was wrong. horribly wrong. lets first start out by saying that my grandfather, aka poppy. is 89. his birthday is on the 90th. ever since my grandma died a year& a half ago, hes been going down hill fast. it began with simple things of being weak, tired, sad, depressed. they were married for 57 years, her not being there is certianly a drastic change. so after being depressed, hes now gone down hill so far that hes on constant oxygen flow, needs a walker/wheel chair at all times, and cant be left alone or else he gets anxious. whats happened?!!? I cannot stand to see him this way, it kills me everyday. hes not the man I've grown up with, hes going back to being a baby. hes uses diapers, he needs all his special comforts, & he wakes up multiple times during the night. seeing as I was sharing a room with him this weekend I woke up 2/3 times every night. I love him & I dont mind that much but he is being very unbrave about this. Everyone has always known that their time would come someday. its back to the lionking circle of life bit that I thought about when my grandmother died. She decided that as soon as she could no longer walk& function properly. nor did she have any chance of getting better, she was just going to die. she almost willed herself to do so! It was a shock to the family yes, but it wasent exactly torture. Poppy is scared. he dosent want to die, he dosent want to lose his mind, and he is such an optimist that he believes hes going to get better & move back to florida. we all humor him by saying yes, what would be the point of depressing him, but we all know the truth. we went down to NJ mostly for him to see the family again, could it really be his last time? I dont know perhaps im looking at this all too seriously. he could be a long way from death, and hes not going to die next week or anything, but things that I had never seen before are now showing their ugly heads. he asked me how I enjoyed school this morning. he gets confused now, something he never did, even jst a month ago! he signed his name on matthews card "great uncle danny" when he knows that hes always been poppy, our grandfather. the worst of all of this is that I dont just stand idly by, I get sad& mad at it. I cannot fathom why hes doing this, I know its not his fault but my mother nor myself can help getting veryvery angry at him even over little things. such as this morning I brought him cookies to dip in his coffee, on the same plate was fruit for myself. I went to get something else at the buffet & he ate my fruit. I got very very angry. so much so taht I stormed out of the dining room & sulked in the lobby! what is WRONG with me. I really dont know anymore. I think it was just being stuck in such an environment for 4 days 24/7. I feel awful for my mother, who gets it all the time, no wonder shes losing it.Yesterday she noticed that something was weird, and tried to bribe me into being happier by buying me a 375$ dress. I made her return it, but I mean shes just trying to help. & I understand that. this weekend froze into sharp notice that here I am, living my summer life basically carefree, but my grandfather is deteriorating before my eyes. & there is nothing I can do to stop it. after all of this, I just needed & still do need to get away from my house. out all day with people. but thats very unfair to my mother still. I suppose england will be a good break for the both of us, although there is a nagging point in both our minds that it may not work out, just like the cruise didnt. I really hope this dosent happen.... well there is the ranting of my weekend. so far from what I expected, & so far from what I wanted. lifes not too fair eh? CmNT

[11 Apr 2006|08:31pm] Everyone is talking about Prom. prompromprompromprom. I'm a sophmore. FILL ME IN ON THE EXCITEMENT GUYS. mmm tennis is good. dad is shitty. hangout with me more. 3 #CmNT

[21 Mar 2006|08:27pm] [ mood | stuck at home. ] [ music | Keane ] MORE PICTURES. from Arielles camera this time. ( AHOY! ) mm other then that this week had kind of sucked! Im not suppose to be online... but tennis is okay. hopefully. 2 #CmNT

[12 Mar 2006|06:52pm] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | Cartel ] so below is a massive picture post. and thats only the first half. ( CRUISE YO! ) 11 #CmNT

[09 Feb 2006|04:08pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Mood Rings. ] whats going on in my life? classes are incredibly easy. It's mostly a joke. Basketball is good. & Tennis is soon. I really want a parking pass. Valentines Day aka singles awareness day is next week. This weekend is going to be good. as is next weekend :). the cruise is right after that. I'm trying to avoid drama for the most part. so I'm staying away from boys & bitch girls. yeah nothing changes. work& more work. 5-9 today. but I think im quitting there in 3 weeks, so uhh if you know a place that is heiring that doesnt SUCK. inform me. ohh & the other day, I was in a really good mood after school. so good that I decided to throw my car keys up into the air. and I "forgot" to catch them. ( Read more... ) 8 #CmNT

lets l0llerskate: OMG YOU GUYS ARE SO LAME [26 Jan 2006|06:34pm] [ mood | jubilant ] [ music | HotHotHeat. ] well I havent posted in forever. & pictures were taken, so here we are. FINALS ARE OVER. I'm fine on all, except maybe spanish. I don't even care right now though. Poppy moved back in with us. New semester starts & I have classes with people. Algebra2,English, History & Gym/Chorus. sup 3rd lunch. February is going to be a great month, I can just tell. & we kick it off with Stowe Vermont for 3 days, just skiing & snowboarding with 3 of my best friends. Then Cruise with Arielle during vacation. Im glad to be in good moods again:). I haven't laughed as hard as I did today in a LONG time. &happy birthday to Adriana! today Bari, Nora & I went to friendlys & hungout after school. DA NA NA THRILLERRRR! ( Read more... ) 6 #CmNT

[26 Dec 2005|09:36pm] I believe that about sums up my christmas/hanukkah so far. ( Read more... ) 5 #CmNT

[21 Dec 2005|11:25pm] [ mood | meh. ] [ music | Anberlin ] so its almost thursday. monday I had work which was a big improvement to last week and then found out that Geri died saturday night in a car accident. Its really a scary thought, I mean we JUST talked to her on saturday. life is incredibly fragile. for the most part I block that out. tuesday Adriana& I went and got our haircut! Today I was the condom model in health & then we had the chorus concert, then wendys with Arielle. Tomorrow is getting Kelci an Xmas tree? I've never gotten one before so I guess it'll be interesting. Friday afterschool is FREEDOM! & nothing going on. Saturday is work 8-2, then nothing. Sunday is nothing. Monday - Wendsday is Loon/STOWE!!! Thursday-Whenever school starts is all blank. sooo uh yeah. FREE/BORING break unless people fill stuff in! we took the beast to school today... ( Read more... ) 6 #CmNT

[15 Dec 2005|10:09pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | The Vines ] soo uhh I've pretty much been a zombie all week. & a semi sucky week it has been. ( Read more... ) 5 #CmNT

[07 Dec 2005|09:38pm] [ mood | listless ] [ music | Partners In Crime. ] ( Read more... ) 4 #CmNT

[24 Nov 2005|12:33am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Staplegunned ] Finally Thanksgiving break, only another month until winter vacation. its getting pretty cold & stuff, but I'm ready for snow. I have to learn to drive in it, but skiing&boarding this year should be fun. wake up early & go get cady & drive to stellos. park& walk to school we need to find somone with a parking pass to drive us to the school cause when its cold or raining the walk sucks. school is eh. first & 2nd pd are somewhat of a joke. Chem with Rachel & Anjie and Anatomy with Anjie& Gina. lunch is the same old, with everyone. on the way to spanish sam & I look for the minor threat kid. Spanish is junk. I've almost given up on it. Health is health. we had a pep rally on tuesday, it pretty much killed any school spirit I had. my camera broke, it sounds like a cross between chewbacca and a stalling car when ever I try to turn it on. job applications, so far I've filled out 6. The Borders one had 37 pages of "you be offended if somone disrespected you" strongly disagree. strongly agree. agree. disagree. yeah it sucked. so my week looks like Thursday- Turkey Bowl & cousins comming up. Pig out fest obviously. Friday&Saturday-Nothing Sunday- Tennis 4-6. free most of the time. change it. 8 #CmNT

[12 Nov 2005|06:50pm] Okay well last friday was my Sweet 16 Party! I hope everyone had fun& stuff & thanks if you came!! =D These are pictures from Last Week& The Party FINALLY! unfortunatly all the ones my dad took he DELETED! I was pissed but whatever, lots of people had cameras& Ill scan arielles&Kelci's later. ( WE LIKE WE LIKE TO PARTY! ) 13 #CmNT

[28 Oct 2005|11:20pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Wakefield ] I Really only seem to use this for pictures huh? so my grandpa is now is the hospital, but hes ok for the most part. I on the other hand, still kind of sick today I stayed after, then went home and drove back to play tennis with the team. I miss them but I'm excited. then I watched old "halloween" music videos. danced around to thriller, you know. then tonight was loads of fun. I think it should start happening more often. tomorrow is hanging around with Anjie, Arielle Kaila& Lou? then sundays is HAUNTED HOUSE!? or maybe monday. but definitally one of those nights. I love halloween & october october is ruined. so lets make it a real good halloween ok? ( Read more... ) 10 #CmNT

[25 Oct 2005|10:22pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Brand New ] Sad Weekend, but I love my family most of the time even Greg who decided not to show. then my grandpa fell over. dandy. Rain has basically killed october. No more apple picking, and I just hope that its nice out this weekend, so we can go to the haunted woods thing. ohh man do I love halloween Getting a car sometime this week hopefully. Stayed home sick today, it just adds to my horrible past 4 days let me tell yah. I decided to have some icecream cause its cold and stuff but, heres what happened: ( Read more... ) 3 #CmNT

[21 Oct 2005|11:15pm] LICENSED DRIVER! sunnysideup888: I am so staying off of the roads guest speaker today, not bad but, apparently Nashua now had raging gang wars?! funny how I miss all of these shoot outs. BG dance was eh. nothing too special saw a few good kids that I havent in awhile though Tomorrow I'm going to New Jersey for my grandmothers unveiling, its where the put you put up the grave stone 9 months after the person dies. pretty much a sucky weekend filled with tears & cheers. :( 4 #CmNT

[16 Oct 2005|10:50pm] [ mood | geeky ] [ music | Panic! at the disco ] So I guess I turned 16?! weird cause I dont look or feel any different really I still act like a loser & goof around with friends I got an Ipod that I'm now pretty obsessed with & after passing drivers ed 3 hours ago, license is just around the corner 7 #CmNT

rainraingoaway [10 Oct 2005|12:44pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Reliant K- Be my escape ] bad moods all week but I love most of my friends they make stuff much better license in exactly a week. im so excited its insane behind miles in school, because I missed 2 days last week and Im going to miss one this week, oh well then PSAT's on saturday. not so cool next weekend is not really a weekend its more of a torture same with the weekend after that in New Jersey Im excited for halloween, no one seems to be having a party worth going to though so maybe ill just sit outside and scare little kiddos ++ everyone is going to the haunted woods!!! i love that place. 16+license=job maybe we'll see before yom kippur your suppose to say sorry for stuff that made people mad. so guys IM SORRY. FORGIVE ME?! ( Read more... ) 14 #CmNT

[06 Oct 2005|04:18pm] [ music | the Ataris- I.O.U one Galaxy ] I was out two days this week because of rosh hashana, & next week I'll only be in for 3 days again because of columbus day and Yom Kippur. I have an incredible amount of work, but I figure its about time for an update. services were the normal hangout across the street. I miss that class& hanging out with Aaron,Dan,Dan,Hannah,Vikki,Alex & everyone else, I guess we just grew apart, but for 3 days a year we're stuck with eachother. I'll see them next thursday too & we'll have a big foodless party for my birthday. ( Read more... ) I got into an argument with some kid, about how war is wrong & bad. I dont usually mind listening to other peoples ideas and views on a topic, but he went on into insulting my brother for being in the army & went even further as to say that since he worked his way up to a Major, that he was a wuss because he no longer has to constantly fight on the front lines. wtf. I hate people like that. I love my friends, but there is just OH SO MUCH drama. I think I'm going to befriend all the boys in my classes & just hang out with them. its much easier. Drivers ed tomorrow, then maybe movies w/ Anjie? we want to see the new one with Dane Cook in it Saturday is apple picking & hanging out with Arielle, then service for Baris Grandpa Sunday nothing, then drivers ed & sleepover at Adriana's with Sam? Monday is ADRIANA DAY. Birthday//Yom Kippur in 7 Days License in 11ish days PSAT's in 9 days 6 #CmNT

kjhakjh';jasdf [28 Sep 2005|06:03pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | XO- Fallout Boy ] Things are slowly changing, but I dont really know if its for better or worse. Im constantly fighing with my mom over stupid things, I need to get out of this house more often, since most of the time I either a.sleep/eat b.do homework c.sit upstairs and avoid them I feel bad leaving my grandfather though so I really need to just suck it up. School is ok chemistry is a + it goes by incredibly slow though & mrs cohen HATES anjie. anatomy is so/so lunch is pretty good, now we have a big table and more friends Spanish is getting better, although I'm still confused often but we do our homework now. &we have a big project, I need to run over to a.c.moore today me sam( who was just here)and brett discovered that the movie the coneheads is a classic & I used to have a mullet. hahaha ( Read more... ) in health mr. anderson loves me and apparently everyone in cady's algebra 2 class was talking about how all male teachers hit on me? aka audley. sketchyy. chours-anyone who buys a calendar for $5 gets an autohug. hahaha then I was forced to join yearbook club? so every tuesday we're stuck there for an hour afterschool & all rachel and I want to do is take pictures for it, but no we get chosen to make posters instead. Its such a joke, so we just sit there & we got into a marker fight & then when lindsay joined, she pegged me in the nose and now its black and blue. ugh. tomorrow boys jv game? 8 #CmNT

[24 Sep 2005|09:19pm] [ mood | cold ] [ music | Deathcab for Cutie- Tiny Vessels ] some kid came to drivers ed drunk. how stupid can you get? I think when I get my license I'm just going to always be the designated driver. yeah I like to have fun, but I can do it on my own thanks. its up to everyone else what they want to do. I've seen in hurt my family, so its not hurting me or my close friends. in school im still at A lunch? I dunno our principal is wicked cool and switched stuff again. whatever either way I'm with sam I need to start doing better in spanish, or I might get shot by my parents & I feel like getting a job. on a better note: guess who got a 98 on midterms? days have been going by fast and furious. but most of the time they're good yesterday was drivers ed & pride game and today was hanging out with the brotherr & going to the WWII airshow. someone bought the car! amazing. tennis after school next week? & Zach is comming up next weekend! fall is comming Its got to be my favorite season with my birthday, leaves changing colors, apple picking, long sleves & ofcourse halloween. someone needs to have a party yeah im happy. ( I post pictures alot huh? oh well. ) 10 #CmNT

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